So, we live. : life

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“To engage the written word means to follow a line of thought, which requires considerable powers of classifying, inference-making, and reasoning. It means to uncover lies, confusions, and over-generalisations, to detect abuses of logic and common sense. It also means to weigh ideas, to compare and contrast assertions, to connect one generalisation to another.”

-Neil Postman, Amusing Ourselves To Death

I started writing regularly in a journal 8 years ago in August after a blow out fight with the only people to this day who can trigger my temper- my family. It was on loose leaf paper because I had no intentions of keeping up with it. All I knew was I had to get out all the teenage angst eating me alive that I was too embarrassed to tell anyone else.

Journaling continues to be my magical cure for anxiety and mini life crisis'. Going back through it, which isn’t often because it’s a painful journey, allows for self-reflection from a third person perspective. It’s like my 15 year old self telling me a vivid version of the story I forgot I lived, and clearly seeing how it inspired who I am today.

The hardest part of starting a journal is sitting down to write it. Writing is the easy part, and when you do it, the collection of days become so so much more than just a journal.

A best friend. Because it doesn’t mind hearing you bitch about the same annoying problem for 5 years. And after you do vent your anger in any way you desire- because it doesn’t judge you-you’ll feel so much lighter for getting it off your chest. It will give you constructive, true self criticism and advice, though maybe not immediately but some time down the road. And it will be more genuine than any other friend advice because no one knows your goals, frustrations, or visions of the past and future better than you!

A bucket list. Two years ago, nearly to the day, I wrote this short-term (and long term) goal:

I’ve been working on this exact mantra consciously every day but completely forgot about this entry. It was worthy enough to write down then, and it’s been worthy enough to incorporate into my life 760 days later- and counting.

A photo album. “Written word endures, spoken word disappears.” - The War of Art. Your experiences create a story that is You, and your thoughts and perspectives are the narrative. But just like we can easily forget that awkward high school party until we see old embarrassing photos, it’s easy to forget pages or chapters of our lives if we don’t revisit them. Writing them down creates an organised vision of our history. It allows us to revisit them at later times and really understand them. Sometimes it’s necessary to remove yourself from a situation to better understand it, and it’s really difficult to do that when you’re in the middle of a crisis. But writing it down, and revisiting it at a later time paints a clearer picture of where you were, and where it is you’re headed.

The locket around your neck. Whether it be a hidden file on your computer, or an old folder of loose leafs, it becomes a keepsake of the most difficult and memorable times in your life that no one else knows expect you. It’s what makes you you, and it’s the most personal thing you’ve got, and if you don’t get it out of your head and into that locket, it becomes explosive, toxic material. Every now and again I stumble on a situation identical to the one I’m struggling with. It’s like a little reminder saying “Hey, don’t forget about me here. You still need to work on me!”

Where would we be today without history books? Probably world war 94,375,629,372,108. We document history to learn from it, so I argue it’s imperative to document OUR story to learn from it. I tell my Grandma to write things down that keep her up at night, but her response is always “I’m afraid someone will see it.” Sometimes I feel like this, so I keep mine in a super private place close to me.

In reality, it seems like we’re all hiding in the spotlight. You’re engaged!? You bought a house!? You ran 29 miles!? Awesome! I now feel smaller than that diamond on your finger. But we shouldn’t live our lives to impress people. We should live our lives to help people. Good teachers tell kids to ask questions because someone too shy to raise his hand might be unsure about the same thing. Well, we should share our confusion and what it took to overcome it, because I guarantee there’s people out with the same doubts, worries, and mistakes who can’t figure it out on their own.

I’ve been asked many times why I chose to study abroad in Spain. The truth is initially for the language, and secondly for the fact that it’s a first world country not so different from mine. I wanted to experience another culture abroad for the first time without the stress of being in a place void of the resources and luxuries I’m so accustomed to. I was half right. Spain is certainly a developed country with many resources I’m used to at home. Until I moved here, though, I didn’t realize just how different the way of life is.

The Language

The first few minutes after arriving in Madrid, I asked for directions to the exit. The staff looked at me like I had just landed from a spaceship. They had no idea what I was trying to say, and I couldn’t understand a word they were saying. After 10 years of vigorously studying Spanish in school, I was clueless!

Discouraged but determined, I tried to work through the fear of speaking a second language. Telling a server I had a lot of men (Tengo mucho hambre not hombre) and telling a server I want to feel the table (puedo sentar aqui not puedo sentir aqui) were all laughable mistakes and learning experiences.

A year after being here, I still make grammatical errors but have realized that it’s natural. It’s similar hearing a foreigner talk in my language. The way they construct sentences and words used are totally different than I would, but it’s a precious glimpse into how they think and talk in their language.

The Schedule

Yes, yes, the famous siesta is still big in Spain. Amazing right!? Not if you’re not used to it. Everything literally shuts down in the afternoon opening again later in the evening. Most people are home eating and relaxing.

Coming from New York, rest and relaxation are luxuries not usually afforded to the working woman during the week. I was used to running around for 14 hours day, but taking a short nap during the day really rejuvenates the body. I feel so fresh and alert for the second half of my day.

The Streets

The first time I went out with my Spanish room mates, they thought I was running a race. “Estamos paseando....” they told me “we’re strolling.” As relaxing is valued much more, people don’t rush through the streets. If they’re out, they’re walking slowly enjoying the experience of being out. At first I was a bit frustrated that I couldn’t get anywhere at my own pace, but I’ve definitely learned to slow down and smell the roses.

The Restaurants

As a former waitress, I involuntarily judge service at a restaurant. I’m used to satisfying requests before they’re needed, with my tables in and out within an hour and a half and I usually expect the same. Just like in the streets, there’s not usually a rush in a typical cafetería. It’s normal to sit and enjoy the experience for hours. You might not encounter the waiter for long periods of time, and get served a while after others in your party. Weird at first, I adore this aspect.

Dining out is savored and enjoyed, not rushed and quick, and it’s typically before 3pm and after 8pm. Trying to find food in the city between these hours is near impossible. Most kitchens close and only serve drinks, so eating twice in the morning is a necessity before eating again at 9.

Coffee Breaks

As a teacher by day and waitress by night in New York, I usually had a hot to go beverage on me at all times. The first time I walked into class carrying a coffee, my students couldn’t stop laughing. My co-teacher told me to finish it outside! Snacks and drinks aren’t allowed in the class, strictly to be consumed in the ‘canteen’. Though I felt like a child that did something wrong, they’re just not used to bringing beverages in the classroom.

With each embarrassing encounter, I learn unforgettable lessons about this new culture and see my own in another light. Though I’ve felt incredibly alone and lost at times in a new land with another language, it’s something that continues to allow me to grow as a traveler and individual and I’m sure there’s only more to come as I wander as an extranjero.

A friend mentioned to me that a certain nationality of people are the worst to talk to. “They only talk about themselves, they don’t ask questions.” I credit this horrible communication skill to the overworked employee and social media, not just one nationality.

In a society run by Capitalism, relationships between people can be tainted- sugar coated in customer service, or non existent in cubicles. So, when some people have the chance to interact, they vomit their thoughts onto others- kind of like we do in status updates- and call it a conversation.

A conversation is the exchange of ideas. This is not to be confused with making conversation, which can be done to avoid awkward encounters, or just to interact for the sake of it. There are several things that must happen to conclude that an exchange of ideas has taken place, other wise it is just an exchange of words- if you can even call it that.

Mutually agreed on topic of interest.

Talking about our day is a nice ice breaker, but not what we all want to hear about for an hour after the long, exhausting 8 we spend laboring. If you know the person, it’s an ideal gesture to mention something relevant to their perspective, or if not you find some common ground. The last thing anyone wants to do after a long day or week working, is work to listen to your idea of work.

Understand, don’t just listen.

To understand something, especially coming from another person, is to appreciate it in their terms. Much different than “hearing” something, which requires no further thought analysis. You determine what, how, and why something was said, and build on it.

Ask questions, and give analytical feedback.

A conversation is like ping pong, you get the ‘ball’ and hit it back from another point of view. When people talk, it’s to share something. And if not, you’ll find that out by asking questions. Don’t change the subject immediately back to you or to something unrelated unless it’s relevant to the topic.

Maintain the right amount of eye contact.

There is such thing as too much eye contact, and the same holds true for the opposite. Keeping focus towards another person shows your engaged, but forcing eye contact to the point of staring is just creepy and distracting.

The conversation is the focal point.

According to molecular biologist and author of Brain Rules, we really can’t multitask two important things at once. There is no such thing as responding to an e-mail while fully understanding what someone else is saying to you.

One person talks at a time.

When genuinely interested in what another person has to say, you listen rather than talk over them. Listening allows opportunity to gain something, where talking will allow just to regurgitate what you already think you know. Even the most heated debate should only have one person voicing an opinion at a time. If not, there is no exchange of ideas happening.

Silence, sans awkward.

A moment of silence, when wrapping your mind around new intellectual thoughts, is necessary to put ideas into perspective. Every moment of the conversation doesn’t need to be filled, and it’s a good sign if it’s not.

Give and take are in balance.

After a real conversation has taken place, both parties leave feeling inspired or enlightened on a topic. Ideas shared are in proportion to ideas received, depending on who the conversation is with.

In a world where sharing is so prevalent, when is sharing too much? This is a fine line that many of us still haven’t figured out. Outside of our cubicles and status updates exist other functioning intelligent human thought, and it’s important to keep our own to ourselves sometimes and let someone else take the spotlight for a while. Who knows, you might just learn something.

It’s been two years since I’ve earned a bachelors degree in Sociology, and I still don’t have a “career.” During undergrad, I did everything right. I made it my business to check in with the campus career center, had a 3.7 GPA, and a good relationship with my professors. Where did I go wrong?

Five months of consistent résumé re-writing and confessing my greatest strength or weakness lead to no legitimate opportunities. Searching for a long term career was draining and discouraging, and I refused to be an educated waitress with no plan of upward movement. So I changed my approach and decided to focus on what I could do now.

As recent graduate I asked myself “what do I really have that makes me stand out in a pool of resumes?” Instead of spending 20 hours a week trying to impress some hypothetical employer, I decided to take an entrepreneurial approach at my newly learned skills, with no intention of income. Here’s what I found to be successful:

Freelance. If you’ve got the skills and passion, put it to use. Hone them & network. Pay might be horrible or non-existent, but start somewhere. You’re a rookie, if on the other side would you pay you top dollar to preform this recently learned skill? Probably not, so prove your worth and work up to it.

Start blogging. In SO many positions today, writing well is a necessity. Having a website to list is literally a digital portfolio of your professional insights, and how you relate to the world.

Intern. Three out of five of my friends who interned at a reputable company have awesome positions in the field of their choice. As one of the three who now hires interns told me, “your major and GPA are irrelevant. We want to see that you have experience.”

Teach abroad. A few searches on google will present you with endless agencies that don’t require any degrees to travel and teach English. Talk about adding experience to your resume- learning another language, adapting to foreign culture, and teaching experience. Not to mention it’s an ideal way to make great connections and meet amazing mentors.

Network, network, network! I started following professionals in fields I’m interested in, participating in twitter chats to gain inspiration and insight, and reaching out to authors and bloggers I admired. Genuine interest is more appealing to people than being asked for something.

As my successful three-out-of- five friend told me, employers barely even look at your college credentials. Before investing in another systemized education, get some experience. Not getting a career right away might just be a blessing in disguise. With that free time is an opportunity to see what you really like and dislike. There is a path out there, it’s just about finding the right one.

Moving to the city has really worn on my poor feet. The flats and booties that I sported in the suburbs aren't durable enough to sustain the amount of walking city life entails. Enough bleeding and blisters forced me to succumb to the comfortable sneaker swag. I'm all about versatility, so I wanted a pair office and weekend appropriate. Because I firmly believe shoes can make or break an outfit, I took to the people of Madrid for some style inspiration. I found a ton of comfortably chic combinations!

Comfy Chic

Colorful creepers accent the most simple outfits. A neutral colored oversized sweater, and cuffed black jeans. Classic and versatile, this outfit is a fall favorite!

Timelessly Trendy

Shredded jeans and white keds, I love this timeless trend! A perfect pair for the weekend warrior.

Perfectly Put Together

Colorful sneakers with a simple button up, I love the versatility of this outfit. A great wear for the office & weekend activities.

Flawlessly Feminine

SO fond of the feminine outfit paired with comfy shoes. Another outfit appropriate and flattering all around.

Highly Irresistible

Love the funky flair she added by mixing high tops and patterned leggings. Comfy, casual, and creative!

High-jacked

Black leather jacket and an invisible heal. Relaxed and retro so right for the weekend!

Blacked Out

All black is always a good idea. Combined with ripped jeans, she rocked this rugged ensamble.

Blazing Beauty

Clashing done right! Love the comfortability combined with business casual blazer. A more than appropriate accent!

photo by Asia O'Han

The most liberating feeling to experience as human is letting go of yourself and losing control to the point of ecstasy. This is why drug addicts get hooked, why we drink alcohol to loosen up, meditate, travel, etc. Anything we love to the point to get consumed in- watching TV, etc.- is a way to get out of our own mind and into something else. Face it, we as humans need a break from thinking sometimes.

As I've been getting into holistic healing, I've been using natural resources to meet my basic needs. Doing so made me think about the 'highs' I've experienced in my life from the silliest activities. These are endorphin overloads, similar to what people experience on man made drugs. Here's my list, and I wish these experiences on all.

Sky Diving

W T F. I jumped OUT of an airplane 3 miles in the air. The earth pulled me back with all it's might at 160 mph for an entire minute. I floated above the earth with NOTHING between me and the ground. And landed on my feet. HAHAH. I dropped down into one of those massive brown squares cultivated in the ground. I saw the blue planet meet the universe as they spooned across the curve of Earth's horizon. Sick.

The Orgasm

God, how can I even explain this one. Like pure naked bliss on cloud 9 where all atoms of your body tingle and tickle and are seductively soft as a smooth kitten. The best part? You and the only other most amazing, alluring person in the world just worked to get you there. Naked. mhmmm.

Running

There's appoint after running for a few minutes that you can conquer the world. Literally. You can do anything. Impossible is nothing. You're the strongest most powerful human being EVER and life is goddam great.

Living Abroad

They say you're not really fluent in a language until you dream in it. Being submersed in it is a real quick way to learn. It's heavy duty work, and sometimes it can go horribly wrong and you can end up on the wrong train lost in the middle of nowhere. Inevitably learning from mistakes will expand vocabulary and eventually you're teetering fluency, when it hits you that you've just had a conversation for 2 hours in another language, thinking in it, and understanding it. So cool.

Not Sleeping

My Grandma called it 'slap happy' but when you're so overtired that you're not even tired anymore. After days of not sleeping and/or staying up for hours over cramming your brain in college calculus that you just think EVERYTHING is a joke. You literally can't stop laughing its just so funny. What's funny? I have no idea, just everything! The number 4 it's just fucking hysterical IDK WHY!!!

Falling in Love

Finding another person in the world who's just so unbelievably beautiful inside and out. They're wonderful, every single attribute you could ever want in someone else- and they think the same exact thing about you. And for some reason, everything about everything in the world is beyond beautiful.

Meeting a Celebrity

This is like the dopiest feeling ever, and a hell of a story. Like, woah this person is really human. They walk, talk, and breathe the same air as I do! Fiiireee.

I'm sure there's way more and I know there's only more to come. I hope everyone has the chance to experience at leaf one of these awesome highs. And keep in mind, it's the lows that make those highs so much better, so appreciate where you are on the ride.

Also published on Thought Catalog.

So, we live.